SOMETHING IS ROTTING IN MY CAR

EVER SINCE THE 4TH MY CAR REEKS IT SMELLS LIKE THERE IS SOMETHING ROTTING INSIDE, I THOUGHT IT WAS AN OLD SHIRT I HAD BARFED ON MONTHS AGO THAT I HAVE YET TO THROW OUT BUT ITS NOT. IM NOT A GOOD CLEAN CAR KEEPER, I NEVER HAVE BEEN AND I HATE IT CAUSE I FEEL GOOD WHEN I HAVE A NICE CLEAN CAR TO DRIVE IN. I REMEMBER WHEN I HAD MY FIRST CAR IT WAS A DATSUN UNK MODEL. YOU COULDNT MISS IT THO CAUSE MY GPA THOUGHT HE WOULD BE FUNNY AND SPRAY PAINT MY NAME IN BLUE ON THE DRIVER SIDE DOOR , MY CAR WAS WHITE. I HAD TO DRIVE IT I DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE AND WHEN U FIRST START DRIVING I GUESS IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT THE CAR LOOKS LIKE. I TRIED IN VAIN TO KEEP THAT CAR CLEAN TOO BUT DIRTINESS ALWAYS WON. I DIDNT HAVE AC BECAUSE I WAS BROUGHT UP THAT WE WAY, WE WERE WETBACKS AND BY DAMN WERE WE GONNA LIVE UP TO THAT NAME LITERALLY. ONE DAY I WAS DRIVING WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED DOWN IT WAS A HOT SUMMER DAY, WHEN I HEARD SHOTS FIRED. IT WAS ROSE PARK SO IT WASNT OUT OF THE ORDINARY TO HEAR THAT BUT IT SOUNDED SO CLOSE I THOUGHT I HAD BEEN HIT, I LOOKED AROUND FELT "MY NECK MY BACK" TO SEE IF I HAD BLOOD TRICKLING DOWN ANYWHERE I LOOKED AT MY SEAT FOR BULLET HOLES....NOTHING. I THOUGHT MAYBE I HAD A FLAT TIRE OR HIT SOMETHING SO I PULLED OVER TO SEE IF I HAD RAN OVER A SMALL CHILD OR AN ELDELRY PERSON AND CHECKED THE OUTSIDE OF MY CAR STILL NOTHING I LOOKED TO SEE WHAT COLOR I WAS WEARING HOPING IT WASNT RED OR BLUE FOR FEAR I WAS IN THE WRONG HOOD OR BARRIO. I WAS PERPLEXED TO SAY THE LEAST. I CHALKED IT UP TO DIVINE INTERVENTION AND WENT ON MY MERRY WAY. MIND U THIS WAS DURING THE SUMMER TIME AND WITH NO AC MY CAR COULD GET LIKE AN OVEN. THE NEXT DAY I DECIDED TO GO FOR A DRIVE WHILE I WAS OUT ON THE ROAD I CAME TO A STOP LIGHT WENT TO STEP ON THE BRAKES AND IT FELT LIKE SOMETHING WAS BLOCKIN IT SO I COULDNT PRESS IT DOWN, I COULDNT STOP!!!!!! I LOOKED DOWN AT MY FEET AND SAW THIS ROUND SILVER THING UNDERNEATH THE PEDAL SO WITH MY QUICK THINKING AND CAT LIKE MOVES I BENT DOWN WHILE DRIVING AND SWATTED THAT THING AWAY FROM THE PEDAL SO I WAS ABLE TO APPLY THE BRAKES SAFELY AND COME TO A COMPLETE STOP, PHEW THAT WAS ANOTHER CLOSE CALL I ALMOST HAD TO CAREEN INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC. I GUESS AS I WAS COMING DOWN THE HILL THE LOOSE GROCERIES I HAD IN THE BAG BEHIND MY SEAT TOPPLED OUT AND ROLLED UNDER MY SEAT UNDER THE PEDAL, BACK IN THE DAY CARS DID THAT. NEEDLESS TO SAY I HAD TO SIT AND COLLECT MYSELF FOR A MIN HAVING A BRUSH WITH DEATH 2 DAYS IN A ROW TAKES A LOT OUT IN A GIRL. WHEN I FINALLY GOT HOME I GOT IN THE BACK SEAT TO GATHER UP ALL MY JUNK WHEN I NOTICED SOMETHING SO GROTESQUE ,I SCREAMED IN HORROR. IT LOOKED LIKE WHITE HUGE PORTABELLO MUSHROOMS WERE GROWING OUT OF THE CARPET ON THE FLOOR OF MY BACK SEAT! THEY WERE BIG AND ROUND WITH THIS DOUGHLIKE CONSISTENCY I THINK THEY WERE BREATHING. I KNEW I HAD LEFT FOOD AND STUFF IN MY CAR FOR MONTHS ON END BEFORE BUT THIS LOOKED LIKE IT WAS A LIVING ORGANISM WHAT IF IT HAD ECOLI. SO AS I WAS SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER I LOOKED CLOSER AND REALIZED WHAT IT WAS......BISCUITS

FROM PILSBURY. APPARENTLY THEY HAD POPPED OUT OF THE TUBE DUE TO THE EXTREME HEAT AND HAD BEEN BAKING FOR DAYS IN MY HOT VEHICLE . NOW I KNOW WHAT THE SHOTS FIRED NOISE WAS. THE THING THAT HINDERED MY ABILITY TO APPLY THE BRAKES IN MY CAR WAS ALSO THE TUBE THAT HELD THE DOUGH. I HAD A BRUSH OF DEATH BY BREAD. I KNOW U SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM CARBS BUT COME ON. I HAD TO LAUGH AT MYSELF CAUSE ONLY STUFF LIKE THIS HAPPENS TO ME. IF I WAS STRANDED IN THE DESERT I WOULD OF BEEN A NICE SNACK BUT I ENDED UP THROWING IT AWAY I HAD TO SHOW MY FRIENDS HOW COOL IT WAS THO HOW MANY PEOPLE DO U KNOW THAT CAN BAKE THINGS ON THE FLOOR OF THEIR CAR? IF ONLY I HAD A PAT O BUTTER............