NO MO EXFO

TODAY I THOUGHT I WOULD WRITE ABOUT EXFOLIATING SCRUB. I HAVE TO SAY IM NOT A BIG FAN OF IT. USUALLY FOR CHRISTMAS AND MY BDAY I GET ALOT OF BODY WASH AND LOTIONS AND POTIONS WHICH I THINK ARE RE-GIFTS BUT THATS OK. NEEDLESS TO SAY I DONT REALLY BUY ALOT OF BODY WASH CAUSE I USUALLY HAVE A TON OF IT. MY FAVE IS ANYTHING BY BATH AND BODY WORKS. WE RAN OUT OF BODY WASH THE OTHER DAY SO I WENT TO MY STASH TO GET A NEW ONE, I DIDNT REALLY TAKE A CLOSE LOOK AT IT UNTIL I GOT IN THE SHOWER AND NOTICED IT WASNT JUST NORMAL BODY WASH IT WAS EXFOLIATING BODY WASH. IN MY MIND I KNEW I WASNT A FAN BUT I COULDNT REALLY REMEMBER WHY UNTIL I POURED SOME OVER MY BODY AND REALIZED IT WAS THOSE DAMN BEADS THAT I HATED. I GUESS THE BEADS ARE SUPPOSED TO EXFOLIATE UR SKIN BUT I WONDER IF THE MAKERS KNEW THAT THOSE BEADS ARENT GOOD FOR SCRUBING OUT "DOWNSTAIRS" IF U KNOW WHAT I MEAN. IT DOESNT SAY ON THE BOTTLE USE ON UPPER BODY ONLY. BEFORE I KNEW WHAT THOSE BASTARDS COULD DO TO A WOMAN I ACTUALLY DID WASH MY NUNU WITH THE SCRUB AND BOY WAS THAT A MISTAKE. I THOUGHT I GAVE MY UNDER CARRIAGE A GOOD RINSING BUT LATER ON IN THE DAY I WAS WALKING AROUND I FELT LIKE I HAD CROTCH CRICKETS. OF COURSE I COULDNT SIT AND ITCH IT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE EVEN THO MEN HAVE IT MADE CAUSE THEY CAN REARRANGE THEIR FURNITURE IN FRONT OF ANYONE AND ANYWHERE THEY PLEASE. WOMEN ARE HELD TO A MUCH HIGHER STANDARD. IT FEELS LIKE I HAVE PLAYED NUDE IN THE SAND FOR HOURS AND THAT I HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER SHOWER QUICK. SO NOW WHEN I INADVERTANTLY USE THE EXFO SCRUB I HAVE TO USE A DIFFERENT SOAP FOR BOTH THE FRONT AND THE BACK DOOR. THE SAME GOES FOR THE FACE WASH THAT HAS EXFO BEADS IN IT. IM AN IDIOT AND EITHER I FORGET THAT THE BEADS ARE BAD NEWS OR I MISS READING IT ON THE BOTTLE. I WILL POUR IT IN MY HANDS AND SLATHER IT ALL OVER MY FACE SCRUBBING OUT MY EYES AND NECK AND WHOLE FACE IN GENERAL THEN IT HITS ME "THOSE FUCKING BEADS" IM BLIND! I HURRY AND RINSE IT OUT BUT IT NEVER FAILS I DONT EVER GET THEM ALL OUT AND I CANT STOP BLINKING FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. CAN U IMAGINE IF I USED BOTH THE FACE AND BODY SCRUB AT THE SAME TIME, I WOULD BE IN A WORLD OF HURT. SO IF U WOULD LIKE TO PUT A BAN ON EXFOLIATING ANYTHING GET WITH ME AND LETS START A CAMPAIGN. NO MO EXFO!!!!!!!

THE GYM

i dont know why i like to write about the gym i guess cause it really really entertains me, and im not even talking about the workout part. there are some very interesting characters. one man i will call "mitts" he is an older gentleman pretty physically fit but he wears this headband that is ridiculous it looks like his wife made it with an old oven mitt she found in the kitchen, it is the same puffy material that is enclosed with velcro, he has a few diff colors. he also carries a kitchen towel with him and a huge 44 ounce cup that doesnt even fit in the holders of the cardio machines and when he worksout beside me im always waitin for it to topple over....then there is this 50something lady who is very physically fit my nickname for her is "aerosmith" because that is the music i picture her listening to on her headphones, she is always on the ellipitcal machine and she always gets in a zone and sways on the machine back and forth...she leans back so far i always think she is going to either fall off or she is going to make the stationary thing actually move across the joint. she is very social a lot of older men go up to her and converse. another guy that i notice i call "bedhead" for the obvious reasons he looks like he just got up and went to gym with out even touching a comb. his hair and clothing is very disheveled, he usually wears sweats that im sure he has worn to bed and his tshirt is always a size too small. i really do think he has some mental issues not to be rude. he gets on the stationary bike u can see the crack of his ass so i dont think he wears underware and while he is on the bike he goes so slow that the machine reads pedal faster because it is not registering, he is too busy looking at aerosmith. they have papertowels and a spray bottle so u can spray the towel then wipe off ur machine well when he is done he pulls out a small crumpled tissue from his pocket and wipes the seat but he is never on a piece of equip more than 10 min. there is a a guy that i couldnt help but notice last week he was very large prob 4plus but would stay on the elipitcal for like an hour i was secretly proud of that lard ass, he wore the same clothes every day a purple shirt with cut off sleeves he didnt wear anything underneath it cause i could see all his jelly rolls through the arm hole, he had blue shorts im sure he got from kirkhams and his ankles were beyond cankles they were like tree trunks (trunkles), his socks were so stretched out im sure he could only wear them once then they would b no good after that. i was impressed with him however because he was working it but i have only seen him that one week and havent seen him since he is prob planting his legs in someones yard somewhere poor thing
to be continued

EMBARRASSING MOMENTS

I THOUGHT I WOULD REMINISCE ABOUT A TIME WHEN I HAD AN EMBARRASSING MOMENT AT THE GYM. THIS WAS YEARS AGO WHEN I WORKED OUT AT LIFESTYLES. BELIEVE OR NOT I USED TO RUN MILES ,WELL THE MOST I GOT UP TO WAS 6 BUT IT WAS SOMETHING I WAS PROUD OF, NOW I CAN BARELY RUN 20 MIN. THERE WAS A ROW OF TREADMILLS THAT FACED THE FRONT OF THE GYM SO THEY WERE PRETTY OUT IN THE OPEN AND YOU COULD SEE EVERYONE THAT WALKED IN. THE GYM WAS USUALLY CROWDED AND PEOPLE HAD TO WAIT IN LINE FOR THE TREADMILL AT TIMES. THERE WAS THIS HOT GUY THAT I ALWAYS HAD MY EYE ON HE WAS BUFF AND WAS HARDCORE AT WORKING OUT. HE WAS ONE OF THOSE GUYS THAT CARRIED AROUND A GALLON OF WATER WITH THEM AT ALL TIMES AND WORE WRISTSTRAPS, TOTAL FAKEBAKER HE WAS PROB ON ROIDS BUT HOT NONE THE LESS. I WAS WAY TOO SHY TO EVER TALK TO HIM. ANYWAYS I WAS ON THE TREAD RIGHT IN FRONT RUNNIN MY HEART OUT WHEN I SAW THE HOTTIE WALK IN. I THOUGHT I WOULD STEP UP MY GAME AND CRANK UP MY SPEED SO MAYBE HE WOULD NOTICE ME AND MY SVLETE BODY GLIDING ON THE MACHINE. ANY CARDIO I DO I SWEAT LIKE A WHORE IN CHURCH, I MEAN IT DRIPS DOWN MY FACE AND ONTO THE FLOOR. I WAS NEARING THE END OF MY RUN WHEN I NOTICED THE HOTTIE MOTIONING TO ME! I THOUGHT IT LOOKED LIKE HE WANTED ME TO JUMP OFF THE TREAD AND JUMP RIGHT INTO HIS BULGING ARMS BUT COMMON SENSE TOLD ME OTHER WISE. I WAS REALLY SWEATING I COULDNT KEEP UP WITH WIPING IT OFF MY FACE SO I KINDA LICKED MY LIPS ,WHEN I NOTICED A PECULIAR TASTE , I FIGURED IT WAS JUST THE TASTE OF MY SALTY SWEAT. THE HOTTIE WAS STILL STARING BUT I DECIDED TO BE COY AND NOT LOOK BACK AT HIM. EITHER HE WAS REALLY DIGGIN ME OR HE WANTED TO USE THE TREADMILL I WAS ON WHEN I WAS FINISHED EITHER WAY I WAS KINDA SHY. I KEPT WIPING MY FACE WITH MY ARM SINCE I DIDNT HAVE A TOWEL WITH ME, BOY WAS I HAVING A HARD WORK OUT . I DID NOTICE HOWEVER SOME RED MARKS ON MY ARM I THOUGHT IT LOOKED LIKE I HAD CUT MYSELF SOME HOW. I GOT OFF THE TREAD AND AS I PASSED THE HOTTIE I TOLD HIM "ALL YOURS" FIGURING THAT WAS WHAT HE WAS STANDIN THERE FOR. I DECIDED TO GO THE RESTROOM AND FIGURE OUT WHAT WAS ON MY ARM. AS I TURNED THE CORNER TO LOOK INTO THE MIRROR TO MY UNGODLY HORROR I HAD A HUGE BLOOD RED MUSTACHE THAT LOOKED LIKE IT HAD SLID ACROSS MY FACE......I HAD A BLOODY NOSE!!!!! THERE WAS BLOOD ON MY SHIRT,SMEARED ACROSS MY FACE , SOME SPRINKLES ON MY SHORTS AND OF COURSE ON MY ARMS. I HURRIED AND RAN INTO ONE OF THE STALLS SO NO ONE ELSE WOULD WITNESS MY GROTESQUENESS, PLUS I HAD TO STOP IT. I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE THE STALL IM SURE I MADE A MESS ON THE TREADMILL TOO. AND NOT ONLY HOTTIE BUT IM SURE A BUNCH OF PEOPLE SAW ME AND MY BLOOD MUSTACHE. NEEDLESS TO SAY MY WORKOUT WAS DONE SCREW WEIGHT TRAINING I RAN OUT OF THERE FASTER THEN A MAN ON FIRE. I DID GLANCE TO THE TREADMILL I WAS ON TO SEE IF THE HOTTIE WAS ON IT BUT NO ONE WAS, IT WAS THE ONLY ONE NOT BEING USED. I THINK THAT WAS THE CAUSE TO AT LEAST ONE OF MY MANY WORK OUT DEMISES.