BOOKS IVE READ 2010

1.LIFE LAUGHS by Jenny McCarthy

2.ZLATAS DIARY by Zlata Filipovic

3.WHEN YOU ARE ENGULFED IN FLAMES by David Sedaris

4.BEAUTY SLEEP by Michaele G. Ballard

5.BABY-FACED BUTCHERS by Stella sands

6.PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL "PUSH" by Sapphire

7. BORN BLUE by Han Nolan

8.THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY : A MEMOIR OF LIFE IN DEATH

by Jean-Dominique Bauby

9. BEAUTY KILLERS by Kathy Braidhill

10 FAMILY BLOOD by Lyn Riddle

11.NOT LOST FOREVER by Carmin Salcido

12.SHATTERED DREAMS by Irene Spencer

13.ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY by David Sedaris

14.CHELSEA CHELSEA BANG BANG by Chelsea Handler

15. A TWISTED FAITH by Gregg Olsen

16.THE TIME OF MY LIFE by Patrick Swayze and Lisa Niemi

17.MY JOURNEY WITH FARRAH: A STORY OF LIFE, LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP by Alana Stewart

18.SOMEWHERE INSIDE: by Laura and Lisa Ling

ummmmm mass-awe-jah

Friday i had a massage........mmmmmmm. A good friend of mine gave me a spa gift cert for 3 hours of pampering for a christmas gift i was so happy. It included hot rocks , an herbal wrap and an 80 min massage. I made the appt for friday morn since i worked the whole week and thought i would be dead tired and would love to have the massage to unwind. Fridays are the worst days for me to unwind. So i went to the gym after i got off work where i only saw 1 famous person...Billy Bob Thornton he looked quite older and plumper maybe that was why he was working out. After the gym i had some breakfast then went to my massage. I walked into the room and went to the front desk where there was a small shy timid lady who asked if she could help me in a small whisperish voice. I spoke in my normal loud tone and said yes i have an appt and showed her my gift cert, i was told on the phone when i made my appt it would be with michael whom i assumed was a male and i was pleased cause i like strong male hands manipulating my body. Standing by the shy meek receptionist was a cute skinny blonde girl who got so excited when i said my name cause she said i was with her. I felt disappointed and even more shy cuz now this cute skinny blonde was going to be staring at my large girth. As i was following the girl i see a small sign that says shhhhhhhhhhh please use ur library voice,oooops!

So we go into the room it was darkened and quaint. There was this silver chafing dish looking thing which i assumed were where the rocks were kept either that or she was going to serve me a buffet of some sort. She asked me to disrobe and get on table under the covers face down which is something i hear often in life. As soon as she left the room i took off my clothes like i was competing in a "who can take off your clothes the fastest" race. Im sure it was like 10 seconds. i dove on the table under the covers put my face in the hole and was waiting patiently for my masseuse. I think my masseuse name was julie she knocked on the door lightly and came in and went to the chafing dish. She explained to me how things were going to go down , she was going to put 4 huge hot rocks on my back and let me lay there and enjoy the heat. I was a lil concerned cuz i thought the rocks were going to be small for some reason. Julie put a blanket over my back then placed the rocks ever so slighty goin from my neck to my bum, they were a lil heavy . Mind u i never actually saw the rocks she could have put some old tires or some encyclopedias on my back for all i knew but they felt good. As i lay there i was looking at the carpet since that was my only line of vision and noticed the pattern on it was very hypnotic, it looked 3-d for a minute. The music i have to say was horrible, it was a mix of midevil times vs yanni vs a piccolo vs various wind instruments. I couldnt help but picturing people eating at a hearty feast with turkey legs and goblets o wine then it would go to a sad indian with a tear running down his face then it would go to yanni with his hair blowing in the wind. Julie also told me that if i felt like the rocks were too heavy and needed them to come off i could lean to the side and let them just slide off to the floor. i know if i would of let that happen it would of made a very loud crashing sound and people would come runnin into my room to see me half nude because the "rocks" would of fur sure taking the sheets down with it. Next was the herbal wrap, i was supposed to put on a robe they had laying on a chair then wait while there was this huge foil type thing layed across the table and linens drenched in an herbal oil on top of it. Julie said she would turn around while i take the robe off lie on the table face up with a small hand towel covering my nunu and just my hands cupping my over spilling breasts. I closed my eyes cause i felt so bad that julie had to keep hers open. She then preceded to wrap the drenched linens around me in a cocoon like motion, they felt good cause they were warm . I was a human burrito all u could see was my face. I waited for julie to pour some hot sauce on me but she just quietly left the room sed she would check back on me in a few. I was hugging myself and could not move a muscle , it felt good and weird at the same time. My mind started to get away from me and i was thinking about what if i needed to escape? Im no David Copperfield but thought i would prob have to be if i needed to hurry and get out for some reason, like a medical reason! It was so hot i kept thinking about all those people that died in that sweat lodge recently(what if just went along with it and didnt know when to say when?). I finally calmed my mind down and enjoyed the tight heat. I closed my eyes and listened to the lame music which was often interrupted by a male coughing and drawers being opened and closed. The walls must have been paper thin. I was so happy to hear Julie come in to unwrap me. My inards were all wet and shriveled like an old monkfish(?). I again laid on the table nude except for the small dish towel, i hurried and ripped the robe out of Julies hand and was waiting for the next step to process. Julie escorted me to the shower which i thought was in a small secluded place with locks on the doors........no. I guess the place also had a small shop in it that sold homemade braceltets and trinkets and such. There was a separate door for the store and the shower happened to be in the store!!!!! Like if a customer came in and decided they wanted to take a break from shopping and hop in the shower they could. I was way shy to say the least, the "door" if u will was a thin old bed sheet that was almost see thru. As i was closing the bed sheet i saw who was making all the racket earlier with the coughing and opening and shutting drawers it was a male worker that was at the cash register making a necklace! I entered the ol "who can take a shower the fastest" contest again and was out of there in 2 seconds. Julie was so cute i told her how awkward i felt taking a shower in the middle of a store and she just chuckled like it was no big thing. We finally got down to business and she worked me like i was payin her by my lbs. It was hard and long but it was still hard for me to relax(HEY I THINK I HAVE SAID THIS BEFORE?). We had alot in common and talked the whole time, i feel like i want her to be my friend but she is probably scarred by having to look and touch my girth i prob remind her of jabba the hut and to this day she cant watch a Star Wars movie.